The first jamaican patwa lesson is up on youtube. Here it is.
Any comments and suggestions would be gladly appreciated. Also if you have not noticed, I try to make these videos as close to the rosetta stone model as possible so expect much more.
If you ask any Jamaican boy, the game shop is where they go to unwind and relax. It is like what reading the Jamaican gleaner is to older people. Now the game shop is where the Jamaican child goes to unwind and socialize and have a good time. This was one of those days when craig and his friends decided to go and play.
Craigs favorite part of school had always been getting out and either going for a swim in the river or going to the game shop as all Jamaican boys do. It was this particular day that he decided with gayle that they should go play mortal kombat ultimate, which had just been introduced to the game shops.
They set out to do it big when they saw T.T a girl that craig liked and deciding to man up craig decided to go talk to her, but found himself getting slapped after only a few mins of conversation. Apparently he learned he cannot comment on womens clothing unless it’s positive. On his way with gayle he decided to take a shortcut that meant he had to cross a busy intersection.
Crossing the street Craig had not looked and being that gayle had stopped. He suddenly saw a car speeding along very quick and it stopped a few feet from him. He was in shock and heard a loud sound and felt something in his pants. He realized what it was and went home.
If you ever grew up in the country, you would know it is one of the best places to grow up because of the fact that there is just so much nature to see. No matter where you are in the countryside you can walk many places, do many things for example. This is the story of friends who decided to explore an old factory but it turned out to be a terrible idea.
Well it was one of those days for craig, he had a very scientific mind and always wanted to explore and build things. He for some reason had a sudden interest in chemistry, in creating chemicals, and making glass. It was in this moment he enlisted his friends junior and lemmy to journey through the bushes and into the old factory that had been long abandoned. It was the old reviere factory that once symbolized production in the local rural Jamaican sprawl. Jerk Chicken was the food of choice that day and when craig went to lemmy’s house he found them eating jerk chicken. Jerk chicken is of course one of the more traditional Jamaican foods in that sense and is delicious especially when it is made using an authentic Jamaican recipe.
The boys decided that they would go to the old abandoned factory and set out there. Now this journey is usually very long and filled with a lot of bush and mud. They went through dumpland as it were called where they were chased by a cow. Lemmy being very fat and slow had trouble running from the cow and when trying to climb under the fence, ripped his pants and to make matters worse he tripped over his own legs and fell splat in cow dung. He got up screamed and ran for the local river, which he hurridly jumped into.
The factory was close by and they went to look, however, they soon found that they had encountered. Walking through the abandoned factory the guys stepped in a white substance that they did not know about. Feeling afraid they decided to run away thinking that it would cause their feet to rot and eventually kill them. Little did the boys know it was harmless limestone, but they did think it was a dangerous chemical and set off for the river. This river was at the base of a little and being in a rush the boys did not take the small trail and instead ran directly down the hill.
The boys hadn’t count on a wasp’s nest being hidden in the bushes and on their way down, lemmy being the unlucky guy that he was, got bitten by 3 wasps and junior got bitten by one. Craig being fat and slow lagged behind far enough to see the other boys get bitten by the wasps and was able to avoid being stung. However lemmy was once again at the short end of the stick when he dove into the river landing FLAT on his belly. Both Craig and junior heard the loud splat as lemmy landed. They tried to not laugh as they knew it was a hurtful experience. The boys went home after this arduous affair and learned not to journey into the unknown.
If you know any Jamaican person you will know that one thing that most Jamaicans, like to eat mangoes. There is just something about this sweet, meaty, fleshy fruit that we cannot resist. Well there is a place in Jamaica known as “Bagdill” in the great parish of Saint Elizabeth. This parish is home of the best Jamaican food. In this story I will talk about some experiences going into the forests to pick mangoes and how fun and dangerous it can be. To protect the people from my childhood I will use fake names to represent them.
Have you ever been on a journey where it started out badly and ended badly? Where you felt like nothing could be worse than what it was now, but things DID get worse? Well welcome to the life of “Craig” and “Puddy”, one a big fat guy who could do an entire complex trigonometry equation in his head, but could barely climb a tree. And puddy who was his neighbor and got his name from the incredible big head. This head had once been stuck between two metal bars and his mother had to pry the bars open to remove his head.
Now they decided to go to bagdill, which would have been a good idea except for the fact that it had rained. Since bagdill is the name given by the locals to basically a path into the hills with lots and lots of mango trees, lots of dangerous caves and lots of dangerous animals it would be foolish to go when it rained. This is made worse by the fact that a part of the journey involves going up a clay hill. For you that don’t know when there is a hard clay path and it rains then the path becomes VERY slippery.
The trip was very standard however BUT when they were coming back that’s when it happened. Puddy suddenly slipped he came tumbling down, his bucket filled with mango’s rolling behind him, his clothes covered in mud, his friend craig coming down slowly tried not to follow in his footsteps, but he slid down and landed flat on his face. He got up and realized that his entire bucket of mangoes had been spilt. And he started shouting in jamaican patwa in dismay.
This was a very hurtful experience but you never lose the lesson and the lesson was. Do not go up a clay path when it rains.
Any questions and comments and suggestions and critiques would be appreciated.
Thank You for reading.